Is this your vision of Christmas? If you live in England, it might be, along with lighting a Yule log and gathering with your extended family to eat a traditional pudding. Or maybe you're from Australia and your family always goes to the beach on Christmas. For those in intercultural marriages, expectations and culture clashes can cause conflict around the holidays.
For example, what if you expect turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving, but your wife wants to make lamb, rice and baklava? What if your husband always put the Christmas tree up on Christmas Eve, but you want to put up the tree and decorate it the day after Thanksgiving, because that's how your family always did it? What if one spouse wants the kids to believe in Santa Claus, but the other one doesn't? What if your in-laws expect you to drive 8 hours to visit them and a huge mish-mash of siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles (including that person no one really seems to know...), but you were hoping for a quiet holiday at home?
Issues like these can wreak havoc in a marriage unless couples discuss their holiday expectations with each other. In my book, Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship, I offer an in-depth discussion of the holidays and how intercultural couples can graciously create a holiday season that is enjoyable for their families. Here are few questions to help couples sort out their values, customs, traditions and preferences with regard to celebrating the holidays:
What traditional holidays do you celebrate in your culture? Which are the "biggest" or most important to you?
How did/does your family of origin celebrate these holidays? What do you like specifically about their traditions?
Which of your family's traditions would you like to incorporate into our own family? Which do you NOT want to incorporate?
Which foods do you eat on each holiday? Which traditional foods are your favorite? (For instance, my grandma's turkey dressing, my aunt Jana's cheesy mashed potatoes, and my mom's applesauce cake are out of this world!!! I eat them every Thanksgiving.)
What are your thoughts about Santa Claus/St. Nick? Do you want to tell our kids that they bring gifts on Christmas, or not?
Did your family tend to spend a lot of money on holiday gifts? Do they expect to receive expensive gifts or money from us for the holidays? If so, what kind, and how much?
What religious or spiritual traditions do you follow on the holidays? Why are these important to you? Do you plan to keep these after marriage?
Describe a typical Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter with your family.
What values and traditions do we want to teach our children during the holidays?
What are your expectations regarding us visiting your parents or family for the holidays? Are you open to us alternating between visiting my family and your family?
I hope these are helpful to you! If you have additional suggestions, please post a comment here! Thanks so much. Happy Thanskgiving and Merry Christmas to you!
viernes, 20 de noviembre de 2009
lunes, 16 de noviembre de 2009
GREAT Questions for Intercultural Couples
Here are some of the most important questions to ask before entering an intercultural marriage:
1) What are your spiritual beliefs? Do you attend church? Do you read the Bible or other religious books? How involved are you in spiritual activities?
2) What types of food and drink do you enjoy? At what times do you typically eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner? How often do you go out to eat? Do you like to cook?
3) Which holidays do you celebrate? What traditions and foods does your family enjoy on these holidays?
4) Are you an early bird or a night owl? How does this affect your daily schedule? What does your "perfect day" look like?
5) Do you consider yourself an optimist, a pessimist, a realist, or something else? When you face a difficult situation, what tends to be your first response?
6) How do you deal with interpersonal conflict? Do you tend to fight or take flight? How did your family of origin handle conflict?
7) What type of work do you do? What type of work do you expect to do after marriage?
8) Do you plan to attend graduate school or seminary, get additional work training, or take other educational courses after marriage?
9) What is your current financial situation? How much debt do you have?
10) Do you want to have children? If so, how many, and when? What is your perspective on marital intimacy? Do you believe in using birth control?
11) How would you describe your relationship with your parents, siblings, and other family members? What was your parents' marriage like?
If you're in an intercultural marriage (or considering one) and you are looking for helpful resources on the topic, check these out:
Additional Resources for Intercultural Couples
Intercultural Marriage: Promises and Pitfalls, 3rd edition, by Dugan Romano
Mixed Matches by Joel Crohn
101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged by H. Norman Wright and Gary J. Oliver
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman
Before You Say I Do by H. Norman Wright
Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Les and Leslie Parrott
How to Save Your Marriage Alone by Ed Wheat
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship by Marla Alupoaicei
1) What are your spiritual beliefs? Do you attend church? Do you read the Bible or other religious books? How involved are you in spiritual activities?
2) What types of food and drink do you enjoy? At what times do you typically eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner? How often do you go out to eat? Do you like to cook?
3) Which holidays do you celebrate? What traditions and foods does your family enjoy on these holidays?
4) Are you an early bird or a night owl? How does this affect your daily schedule? What does your "perfect day" look like?
5) Do you consider yourself an optimist, a pessimist, a realist, or something else? When you face a difficult situation, what tends to be your first response?
6) How do you deal with interpersonal conflict? Do you tend to fight or take flight? How did your family of origin handle conflict?
7) What type of work do you do? What type of work do you expect to do after marriage?
8) Do you plan to attend graduate school or seminary, get additional work training, or take other educational courses after marriage?
9) What is your current financial situation? How much debt do you have?
10) Do you want to have children? If so, how many, and when? What is your perspective on marital intimacy? Do you believe in using birth control?
11) How would you describe your relationship with your parents, siblings, and other family members? What was your parents' marriage like?
If you're in an intercultural marriage (or considering one) and you are looking for helpful resources on the topic, check these out:
Additional Resources for Intercultural Couples
Intercultural Marriage: Promises and Pitfalls, 3rd edition, by Dugan Romano
Mixed Matches by Joel Crohn
101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged by H. Norman Wright and Gary J. Oliver
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman
Before You Say I Do by H. Norman Wright
Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Les and Leslie Parrott
How to Save Your Marriage Alone by Ed Wheat
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship by Marla Alupoaicei
Bardwell Steps Down
On Nov. 3, Keith Bardwell stepped down from office as a justice of the peace in Louisiana. The governor as well as many other officials had called for Bardwell's resignation after receiving complaints about Bardwell's stance against granting marriage licenses to interracial couples. This is a victory for intercultural/interracial couples in Louisiana! See below for more details.
viernes, 16 de octubre de 2009
Louisiana Official Denies Marriage Certs to Interracial Couples
Keith Bardwell, a justice of the peace in Louisiana, refuses to issue marriage licenses to interracial couples. He says, "It is my experience that most interracial marriages do not last long... I'm not a racist. I just don't believe in mixing the races that way."
Bardwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he does not marry them.
Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said.
"There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage," Bardwell said. "I think those children suffer, and I won't help put them through it."
If he did an interracial marriage for one couple, he must do the same for all, he said. "I try to treat everyone equally."
American Civil Liberties Union of Louisiana attorney Katie Schwartzmann said, "It is really astonishing and disappointing to see this come up in 2009." She said the Supreme Court ruled in 1967 "that the government cannot tell people who they can and cannot marry."
The ACLU sent a letter to the Louisiana Judiciary Committee, which oversees the state justices of the peace, asking them to investigate Bardwell and recommending "the most severe sanctions available, because such blatant bigotry poses a substantial threat of serious harm to the administration of justice."
To read the full Associated Press story, please see news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091016/ap_on_re_us/us_interracial_rebuff.
Comments? Thoughts?
Bardwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he does not marry them.
Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said.
"There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage," Bardwell said. "I think those children suffer, and I won't help put them through it."
If he did an interracial marriage for one couple, he must do the same for all, he said. "I try to treat everyone equally."
American Civil Liberties Union of Louisiana attorney Katie Schwartzmann said, "It is really astonishing and disappointing to see this come up in 2009." She said the Supreme Court ruled in 1967 "that the government cannot tell people who they can and cannot marry."
The ACLU sent a letter to the Louisiana Judiciary Committee, which oversees the state justices of the peace, asking them to investigate Bardwell and recommending "the most severe sanctions available, because such blatant bigotry poses a substantial threat of serious harm to the administration of justice."
To read the full Associated Press story, please see news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091016/ap_on_re_us/us_interracial_rebuff.
Comments? Thoughts?
jueves, 15 de octubre de 2009
miércoles, 30 de septiembre de 2009
Ah... The Joys of Waiting on the Lord
A friend of mine told me recently, "God is rarely early, but HE'S NEVER LATE!"
I thanked her for that remarkable reminder. The seasons of my life when I was waiting on the Lord to move and to work have been some of my darkest seasons... and, in hindsight, my brightest. There's no doubt about it - waiting can be painful. It's an art, a science, and a spiritual discipline. It's a time when we feel like God is at the Potter's wheel, crushing us, smoothing us out, and making something new out of us. But we don't know yet what.
When we see God working in others' lives, blessing them with a burgeoning ministry, a wonderful mate, gifted children, great success in their work, a promotion, a new home, and incredible talents and abilities - and it seems like they didn't have to wait for those things from the hand of the Lord - we may feel slighted in comparison. While we are deeply entrenched in a season of waiting, we can't see the light at the end of our tunnel. But I promise, it's there!
In my recent seasons of waiting, the Lord has used several people in my life to remind me of this passage: "Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" (Psalm 27:14). The preceding verse is one of my favorites in Scripture, reminding us of where to place our trust: "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living" (27:13).
Waiting forces us to depend wholly, desperately, upon the Lord. It causes a crisis of faith when we must fall before the Lord in prayer and decide with our minds and hearts to trust in His love and His goodness, even if our emotions are telling us that we've been forsaken. Psalm 138:8 reminds us: "The Lord will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of Your hands."
The Lord WILL ACCOMPLISH His good and loving plan for you. You can't outwait God - His lovingkindness is EVERLASTING!!! He will be faithful to move in your life. He will not forsake you. And you'll be blessed and transformed by the lessons you have learned through your seasons of waiting on Him.
I thanked her for that remarkable reminder. The seasons of my life when I was waiting on the Lord to move and to work have been some of my darkest seasons... and, in hindsight, my brightest. There's no doubt about it - waiting can be painful. It's an art, a science, and a spiritual discipline. It's a time when we feel like God is at the Potter's wheel, crushing us, smoothing us out, and making something new out of us. But we don't know yet what.
When we see God working in others' lives, blessing them with a burgeoning ministry, a wonderful mate, gifted children, great success in their work, a promotion, a new home, and incredible talents and abilities - and it seems like they didn't have to wait for those things from the hand of the Lord - we may feel slighted in comparison. While we are deeply entrenched in a season of waiting, we can't see the light at the end of our tunnel. But I promise, it's there!
In my recent seasons of waiting, the Lord has used several people in my life to remind me of this passage: "Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" (Psalm 27:14). The preceding verse is one of my favorites in Scripture, reminding us of where to place our trust: "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living" (27:13).
Waiting forces us to depend wholly, desperately, upon the Lord. It causes a crisis of faith when we must fall before the Lord in prayer and decide with our minds and hearts to trust in His love and His goodness, even if our emotions are telling us that we've been forsaken. Psalm 138:8 reminds us: "The Lord will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of Your hands."
The Lord WILL ACCOMPLISH His good and loving plan for you. You can't outwait God - His lovingkindness is EVERLASTING!!! He will be faithful to move in your life. He will not forsake you. And you'll be blessed and transformed by the lessons you have learned through your seasons of waiting on Him.
sábado, 26 de septiembre de 2009
Exciting Interviews on Intercultural Marriage!
This week, I wrapped up two interviews on the topic of my book, Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship. One interview was with Dr. Gary Chapman on his show "Building Relationships with Gary Chapman," and the other was with Tracy Haney for PrimeTime America on the Moody stations. I'd like to thank both hosts for their excellent facilitation and feedback! I'm excited to hear the interviews on air. The PrimeTime America interview will air on Moody radio next week sometime-stay posted for an update! The interview with Gary Chapman will air on Nov. 14th. Thanks so much, friends! Blessings!
domingo, 13 de septiembre de 2009
Revamp Your Marriage!
A few days ago, while I was driving to the gym after Catalin and I had had a "discussion" about our finances, I saw this bumper sticker: "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." I was so glad for that reminder. Though we follow Christ, it's so easy for the world's attitudes and actions to seep into our minds and hearts. And what we allow to seep in is what tends to ooze back out when we are "squeezed" by the pressures of life. Jesus said, "You have heard it said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.'... But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven" (Matthew 5:38, 44).
Remember that your husband or your wife, the one person you love most on this earth, the one person you pledged to honor and cherish until death, is not your enemy. You are on the same team! You need each other. Don't be fooled into thinking that your spouse is your enemy. Satan is our enemy! 1 Peter 5:8 says, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." The devil wants us to be so consumed with fighting against each other that we forget to do spiritual battle against him.
Our job---through love, prayer and self-control---is to GUARD OURSELVES against false and negative thinking toward our spouses. An eye for an eye is not the answer. Responding to a hurtful comment or act with another hurtful word or action just makes the situation worse! That means you may have to step up and BE THE ONE to end the cycle and respond with grace.
Pastor Paul Basden of our new church, Preston Trail Community Church, has been leading a fantastic new marriage series called "Hug of War." Catalin and I have enjoyed it so much and have learned volumes about how to communicate better and love each other more selflessly in our marriage. Check out the podcasts and videos of this inspiring series here: prestontrail.org/podcast/index.htm. Just scroll down until you see the "Hug of War" icon and you can listen to the podcasts or watch videos of the messages. Enjoy!
Remember that your husband or your wife, the one person you love most on this earth, the one person you pledged to honor and cherish until death, is not your enemy. You are on the same team! You need each other. Don't be fooled into thinking that your spouse is your enemy. Satan is our enemy! 1 Peter 5:8 says, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." The devil wants us to be so consumed with fighting against each other that we forget to do spiritual battle against him.
Our job---through love, prayer and self-control---is to GUARD OURSELVES against false and negative thinking toward our spouses. An eye for an eye is not the answer. Responding to a hurtful comment or act with another hurtful word or action just makes the situation worse! That means you may have to step up and BE THE ONE to end the cycle and respond with grace.
Pastor Paul Basden of our new church, Preston Trail Community Church, has been leading a fantastic new marriage series called "Hug of War." Catalin and I have enjoyed it so much and have learned volumes about how to communicate better and love each other more selflessly in our marriage. Check out the podcasts and videos of this inspiring series here: prestontrail.org/podcast/index.htm. Just scroll down until you see the "Hug of War" icon and you can listen to the podcasts or watch videos of the messages. Enjoy!
miércoles, 9 de septiembre de 2009
Inspiring Quotes about Writing Poetry
Here are some inspiring quotes about poetry by great writers:
Poetry is an orphan of silence. The words never quite equal the experience behind them.
Charles Simic
Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash.
Leonard Cohen
Poetry is language at its most distilled and most powerful.
Rita Dove
Poetry is nearer to vital truth than history.
Plato
Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality, but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotions know what it means to want to escape from these things.
T. S. Eliot
Poetry is ordinary language raised to the Nth power. Poetry is boned with ideas, nerved and blooded with emotions, all held together by the delicate, tough skin of words.
Paul Engle
Thanks to BrainyQuote for these!
Poetry is an orphan of silence. The words never quite equal the experience behind them.
Charles Simic
Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash.
Leonard Cohen
Poetry is language at its most distilled and most powerful.
Rita Dove
Poetry is nearer to vital truth than history.
Plato
Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality, but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotions know what it means to want to escape from these things.
T. S. Eliot
Poetry is ordinary language raised to the Nth power. Poetry is boned with ideas, nerved and blooded with emotions, all held together by the delicate, tough skin of words.
Paul Engle
Thanks to BrainyQuote for these!
jueves, 20 de agosto de 2009
Listen to Marla's Interview on Moody Radio-Chris Fabry Live!
Hi! On Friday, Aug. 21, I had a live interview with host Chris Fabry on the subject of intercultural marriage and relationships! You may listen to the interview simply by following this link, scrolling down until you see the podcast from August 21, and then clicking on "Listen." moodyradio.org/brd_programarchive.aspx?id=31078
Thanks for your support! Enjoy!
Thanks for your support! Enjoy!
lunes, 17 de agosto de 2009
Thanks for the review!
On her excellent intercultural marriage site, Gori Girl has posted a review of Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship. I appreciate her positive, balanced review, especially considering the fact that she does not espouse Christian beliefs. Here are some highlights:
"I think that Your Intercultural Marriage is a good book – for the niche that the author, Marla Alupoaicei, is trying to serve: Christian intercultural couples. I did enjoy the book, and I found useful material in here that I believe could appeal to anyone. I’d highly recommend the book to any Christian intercultural couple whose faith is a large part of their lives.
The book is broken down into twelve chapters: the first half focuses on general topics of interest to any (Christian) intercultural couple, with topics such as “Surviving (and Enjoying) Your Engagement, Wedding, and Honeymoon” and “Building Strong Verbal and Nonverbal Communication Skills.” The second half of the book discusses more specific concerns that intercultural couples often have: time-orientation, food, finances, children, and so forth. Each chapter starts and ends with a quote, and is followed by a suggested list of movies to watch…
Alupoaicei’s breezy, friendly style of writing – with lots of pointers towards other resources and questions to consider on your own – gives her book a feeling similar to a well-edited blog... you are going to find plenty of ideas that could lead to an ah-ha moment or a great discussion with your significant other.
Chapters such as “Coming to Terms with Faith and Values” do pull together theoretical research, the author’s personal experience, list of questions, and the like to create a strong – albeit very Christian-oriented – chapter that will guide an intercultural couple through potential issues. I also appreciated the detailed chapter on intercultural marriage in the Bible, which I suspect could be particularly helpful if you have conservative (or bigoted) family members who believe that intercultural or interracial marriage are prohibited by God and/or the Bible.
Bottom line: If you are in the demographic Your Intercultural Marriage targets, I suspect that you’ll find this book pretty valuable. If you aren’t, the constant discussion of the Bible & Christianity could grate, but if you can look past it, then you’ll find some good information and fun stories of other intercultural couples. I came away satisfied with the amount I got for the time I gave the book."
Order YOUR Copy of this Exciting Marriage Resource Today! Just Click: amazon.com/Your-Intercultural-Marriage-Healthy-Relationship/dp/0802418546/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1250553683&sr=8-1
To read the full review, please see the blog Gori Girl: Intercultural Relationship Stories and Advice at gorigirl.com/book-review-and-giveaway-your-intercultural-marriage#more-853. Thanks, Gori Girl!
"I think that Your Intercultural Marriage is a good book – for the niche that the author, Marla Alupoaicei, is trying to serve: Christian intercultural couples. I did enjoy the book, and I found useful material in here that I believe could appeal to anyone. I’d highly recommend the book to any Christian intercultural couple whose faith is a large part of their lives.
The book is broken down into twelve chapters: the first half focuses on general topics of interest to any (Christian) intercultural couple, with topics such as “Surviving (and Enjoying) Your Engagement, Wedding, and Honeymoon” and “Building Strong Verbal and Nonverbal Communication Skills.” The second half of the book discusses more specific concerns that intercultural couples often have: time-orientation, food, finances, children, and so forth. Each chapter starts and ends with a quote, and is followed by a suggested list of movies to watch…
Alupoaicei’s breezy, friendly style of writing – with lots of pointers towards other resources and questions to consider on your own – gives her book a feeling similar to a well-edited blog... you are going to find plenty of ideas that could lead to an ah-ha moment or a great discussion with your significant other.
Chapters such as “Coming to Terms with Faith and Values” do pull together theoretical research, the author’s personal experience, list of questions, and the like to create a strong – albeit very Christian-oriented – chapter that will guide an intercultural couple through potential issues. I also appreciated the detailed chapter on intercultural marriage in the Bible, which I suspect could be particularly helpful if you have conservative (or bigoted) family members who believe that intercultural or interracial marriage are prohibited by God and/or the Bible.
Bottom line: If you are in the demographic Your Intercultural Marriage targets, I suspect that you’ll find this book pretty valuable. If you aren’t, the constant discussion of the Bible & Christianity could grate, but if you can look past it, then you’ll find some good information and fun stories of other intercultural couples. I came away satisfied with the amount I got for the time I gave the book."
Order YOUR Copy of this Exciting Marriage Resource Today! Just Click: amazon.com/Your-Intercultural-Marriage-Healthy-Relationship/dp/0802418546/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1250553683&sr=8-1
To read the full review, please see the blog Gori Girl: Intercultural Relationship Stories and Advice at gorigirl.com/book-review-and-giveaway-your-intercultural-marriage#more-853. Thanks, Gori Girl!
viernes, 14 de agosto de 2009
Exciting Poetry Update!
Marla Alupoaicei was recently named the first-place winner in the rhyming poetry category of the 2009 Writer's Digest Writing Competition. This is the 78th annual competition. Marla will receive a cash prize of $1,000, a manuscript critique, and $100 worth of Writer's Digest Books. Her poem will also be published along with the other winning entries. For more information on the competition, see writersdigest.com.
lunes, 3 de agosto de 2009
Great article on Intercultural Marriage!
Check out the following excellent article on intercultural marriage: marriage.suite101.com/article.cfm/cross_cultural_marriage. It presents seven principles that you should consider before saying "I DO" to a person from another culture. Enjoy!
Calling All Influencers!
Hi! I am looking for influencers to help spread the word about my new intercultural marriage book titled Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship. Whether you are a friend, family member, author, writer, speaker, businessperson, pastor, teacher, or anything else.... YOU CAN BE AN INFLUENCER!
What does this entail? I will send you a book at a discounted rate (autographed if you would like) and then you will read it and spread the word in a variety of ways. 1) I can send you postcards that you can distribute to your pastor or others in intercultural marriages. 2) You can blog or write about the book on your website. 3) You can write reviews of the book to post on Amazon, Barnes & Noble.com, Christianbook.com or other websites. 4) You can hire me to speak or do an interview on the topic. 5) You can send info about the book to your local newspaper. 6) You can order additional copies of the book to give to intercultural couples.
All of these will help us to get the word out about this important resource. The goal is to encourage intercultural couples and to help save their marriages by providing them with practical principles and sound biblical advice.
If YOU WANT TO BE AN INFLUENCER, just e-mail me at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com! Thanks so much!
What does this entail? I will send you a book at a discounted rate (autographed if you would like) and then you will read it and spread the word in a variety of ways. 1) I can send you postcards that you can distribute to your pastor or others in intercultural marriages. 2) You can blog or write about the book on your website. 3) You can write reviews of the book to post on Amazon, Barnes & Noble.com, Christianbook.com or other websites. 4) You can hire me to speak or do an interview on the topic. 5) You can send info about the book to your local newspaper. 6) You can order additional copies of the book to give to intercultural couples.
All of these will help us to get the word out about this important resource. The goal is to encourage intercultural couples and to help save their marriages by providing them with practical principles and sound biblical advice.
If YOU WANT TO BE AN INFLUENCER, just e-mail me at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com! Thanks so much!
sábado, 1 de agosto de 2009
I'm Back!
Dear Friends,
Hi! I'm officially back to posting after quite an adventure. After a hospital stint and the birth of our son, Evan, on July 6th, we are all home and doing well. Baby Evan was in the NICU for three weeks due to low birth weight, but he now weighs almost six pounds and is such a joy to us. We aren't getting much sleep, but we couldn't be happier or more blessed. We feel that the Lord preserved his life and we are so grateful to our heavenly Father for His protection and provision for us. Thank you to everyone who prayed for me, Evan and Catalin during this time. We truly appreciate it and we know that your prayers have made a huge difference in our lives.
What are we up to now? I am thrilled about the launch and media campaign for my new book, Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Partnership. The book is available on amazon.com, christianbook.com, and at all bookstores (Barnes & Noble, Borders, Family Christian Stores, Mardel, LifeWay, The Open Door, etc.). The book is perfect for:
-Couples considering intercultural marriage
-Couples already in intercultural marriages
-Parents or friends of intercultural couples
-Pastors, teachers, professors, counselors, missionaries, and anyone else who wants to be better equipped to interact effectively with people of all cultures and ethnicities
To buy the book, please visit amazon.com/Your-Intercultural-Marriage-Healthy-Relationship/dp/0802418546/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1249170970&sr=8-1 Thank you!
You can also buy a PERSONALIZED, AUTOGRAPHED COPY OF THE BOOK from me for $11.00. I can autograph it with your name or the name of a friend or family member. Simply e-mail me at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com. Thanks so much for helping to support this book and spreading the word about this resource!
Hi! I'm officially back to posting after quite an adventure. After a hospital stint and the birth of our son, Evan, on July 6th, we are all home and doing well. Baby Evan was in the NICU for three weeks due to low birth weight, but he now weighs almost six pounds and is such a joy to us. We aren't getting much sleep, but we couldn't be happier or more blessed. We feel that the Lord preserved his life and we are so grateful to our heavenly Father for His protection and provision for us. Thank you to everyone who prayed for me, Evan and Catalin during this time. We truly appreciate it and we know that your prayers have made a huge difference in our lives.
What are we up to now? I am thrilled about the launch and media campaign for my new book, Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Partnership. The book is available on amazon.com, christianbook.com, and at all bookstores (Barnes & Noble, Borders, Family Christian Stores, Mardel, LifeWay, The Open Door, etc.). The book is perfect for:
-Couples considering intercultural marriage
-Couples already in intercultural marriages
-Parents or friends of intercultural couples
-Pastors, teachers, professors, counselors, missionaries, and anyone else who wants to be better equipped to interact effectively with people of all cultures and ethnicities
To buy the book, please visit amazon.com/Your-Intercultural-Marriage-Healthy-Relationship/dp/0802418546/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1249170970&sr=8-1 Thank you!
You can also buy a PERSONALIZED, AUTOGRAPHED COPY OF THE BOOK from me for $11.00. I can autograph it with your name or the name of a friend or family member. Simply e-mail me at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com. Thanks so much for helping to support this book and spreading the word about this resource!
jueves, 18 de junio de 2009
Your Path to a Published Book!
If you want to get your book published, now's the time! I can help you achieve that goal by coaching you in the process, editing your book manuscript, and helping you write a winning proposal that will get your book noticed (and accepted) by publishers!
Writing and publishing a book is not easy, but it's not impossible. There's no "magic bullet," but publishers, agents and editors do look for certain characteristics when considering projects for publication. I can help you perfect your manuscript, write a fantastic book proposal and focus your writing and speaking platform and career in order to achieve that fulfilling goal of publication. There's nothing like opening that FedEx package and holding that pristine copy of your first book in your hand!
I worked with writer Dave Sterrett to edit two of his books and prepare them for submission to publishers. I'm pleased to announce that he has received fantastic book contracts for both books! Here's a recommendation from him:
“Marla Alupoaicei is one of the best writers and editors in the Christian market today. Very few Christian editors and writers have the ability to meticulously edit while adding creative suggestions with theological soundness. Marla, on the other hand, provides all three: accurate grammar, innovative ideas on your manuscript, and biblical accuracy. I highly recommend her writing and editing services!”
Qualifications:
-Have over 15 years of writing and editing experience for companies and ministries like Insight for Living, W Publishing, Purdue University, East-West Ministries, Living Stones Ministries, Joni & Friends, and for many personal clients
-Have been successful in helping a considerable number of clients write winning proposals and publish their books, articles, and poetry in major publications and with top publishing houses
-Degrees from Purdue University (B.A. in English and Communications) and Dallas Theological Seminary (Master of Theology)
-Have written, edited or contributed to over 30 books, Bible study guides and workbooks for a variety of publishers, including Harvest House, W Publishing (Thomas Nelson), Regal Books, Moody Publishers, Broadman & Holman, Insight for Living, East-West Ministries, and more
TO SPEAK WITH ME FURTHER ABOUT YOUR PROJECT AND TO DISCUSS MY AFFORDABLE CONSULTING AND EDITING RATES, please e-mail me at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com or give me a call anytime at (214) 497-4614. I typically work on a per-project basis, and I am sensitive to the needs of my clients, especially those who work in ministry like I do! I look forward to working with you to make your publication dreams come true! Give me a call today.
Writing and publishing a book is not easy, but it's not impossible. There's no "magic bullet," but publishers, agents and editors do look for certain characteristics when considering projects for publication. I can help you perfect your manuscript, write a fantastic book proposal and focus your writing and speaking platform and career in order to achieve that fulfilling goal of publication. There's nothing like opening that FedEx package and holding that pristine copy of your first book in your hand!
I worked with writer Dave Sterrett to edit two of his books and prepare them for submission to publishers. I'm pleased to announce that he has received fantastic book contracts for both books! Here's a recommendation from him:
“Marla Alupoaicei is one of the best writers and editors in the Christian market today. Very few Christian editors and writers have the ability to meticulously edit while adding creative suggestions with theological soundness. Marla, on the other hand, provides all three: accurate grammar, innovative ideas on your manuscript, and biblical accuracy. I highly recommend her writing and editing services!”
Qualifications:
-Have over 15 years of writing and editing experience for companies and ministries like Insight for Living, W Publishing, Purdue University, East-West Ministries, Living Stones Ministries, Joni & Friends, and for many personal clients
-Have been successful in helping a considerable number of clients write winning proposals and publish their books, articles, and poetry in major publications and with top publishing houses
-Degrees from Purdue University (B.A. in English and Communications) and Dallas Theological Seminary (Master of Theology)
-Have written, edited or contributed to over 30 books, Bible study guides and workbooks for a variety of publishers, including Harvest House, W Publishing (Thomas Nelson), Regal Books, Moody Publishers, Broadman & Holman, Insight for Living, East-West Ministries, and more
TO SPEAK WITH ME FURTHER ABOUT YOUR PROJECT AND TO DISCUSS MY AFFORDABLE CONSULTING AND EDITING RATES, please e-mail me at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com or give me a call anytime at (214) 497-4614. I typically work on a per-project basis, and I am sensitive to the needs of my clients, especially those who work in ministry like I do! I look forward to working with you to make your publication dreams come true! Give me a call today.
jueves, 28 de mayo de 2009
Fending Off Arrows of Discouragement
“We and the world, my children, will always be at war.
Retreat is impossible.
Arm yourselves.” ?Leif Enger, Peace like a River
Man, it’s tough to fight off discouragement, isn’t it? We pray, we work hard, we love people, we serve others, and yet sometimes it seems like we just hit setbacks at every turn.
When I face discouragement, I have to remind myself that WE ARE AT WAR. I like to think of this world as a happy and friendly place, that if I love God and people and invest in them, that the positive fruit of that will return to me.
But sometimes it doesn’t. And it’s then that I have to remind myself that Satan is my enemy and that this world is not my real home. The root of the words “courage,” “encourage” and “discourage” is the same: COR, meaning “HEART.” Don’t let Satan steal your heart!
We tend to think that no one wants more good things for us than we do, but our heavenly Father is able to provide for us better than we ever could. He has greater plans in store for you and me than we could ever dream of. He has given us exquisite gifts. Through prayer, our heavenly Father intends to do a work in our lives that is “immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us” (Ephesians 3:20).
We read in the book of Proverbs, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (4:23). As Christians, we’re passionate about guiding others and guarding their hearts (as well as our own) as we watch them grow. I want to provide the best for my husband and loved ones, knowing Jesus came so that we “may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10).
Unfortunately, we face fierce opposition in our quest to obtain abundant life. We have an enemy called Satan, whom Jesus describes as “the thief who comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10). Satan is the deceiver, our adversary, who seeks to oppose and destroy God’s people. He wants to keep us and our loved ones from receiving God’s best for us.
Satan’s sneakiest ploys are twofold. He wants:
1) to convince us that he doesn’t exist; and
2) to convince us that we are not at war.
In his book Waking the Dead, John Eldredge writes, “By all means, God intends life for you. But right now that life is opposed. It doesn’t just roll in on a tray. There is a thief. He comes to steal and kill and destroy. In other words, yes, the offer is life, but you’re going to have to fight for it because there’s an enemy in your life with a different agenda. There is something set against us. We are at war.”
Yes, engaging in spiritual warfare against Satan, the enemy of our souls, can be scary. But we have this confidence: through Christ’s finished work on the cross, we have already won the victory. God’s power always has been and always will be greater than Satan’s.
The devil knows that his time on earth is limited; the game is up. Eventually, he will be cast into the lake of fire for eternity (Rev. 20:10). So when we bring our praises as well as our needs before the Father in prayer, we know that we have “checkmated” Satan. We can have supreme confidence in the Lord, knowing that we’re on the winning side of the battle.
Take heart, my friend.
Retreat is impossible.
Arm yourselves.” ?Leif Enger, Peace like a River
Man, it’s tough to fight off discouragement, isn’t it? We pray, we work hard, we love people, we serve others, and yet sometimes it seems like we just hit setbacks at every turn.
When I face discouragement, I have to remind myself that WE ARE AT WAR. I like to think of this world as a happy and friendly place, that if I love God and people and invest in them, that the positive fruit of that will return to me.
But sometimes it doesn’t. And it’s then that I have to remind myself that Satan is my enemy and that this world is not my real home. The root of the words “courage,” “encourage” and “discourage” is the same: COR, meaning “HEART.” Don’t let Satan steal your heart!
We tend to think that no one wants more good things for us than we do, but our heavenly Father is able to provide for us better than we ever could. He has greater plans in store for you and me than we could ever dream of. He has given us exquisite gifts. Through prayer, our heavenly Father intends to do a work in our lives that is “immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us” (Ephesians 3:20).
We read in the book of Proverbs, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (4:23). As Christians, we’re passionate about guiding others and guarding their hearts (as well as our own) as we watch them grow. I want to provide the best for my husband and loved ones, knowing Jesus came so that we “may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10).
Unfortunately, we face fierce opposition in our quest to obtain abundant life. We have an enemy called Satan, whom Jesus describes as “the thief who comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10). Satan is the deceiver, our adversary, who seeks to oppose and destroy God’s people. He wants to keep us and our loved ones from receiving God’s best for us.
Satan’s sneakiest ploys are twofold. He wants:
1) to convince us that he doesn’t exist; and
2) to convince us that we are not at war.
In his book Waking the Dead, John Eldredge writes, “By all means, God intends life for you. But right now that life is opposed. It doesn’t just roll in on a tray. There is a thief. He comes to steal and kill and destroy. In other words, yes, the offer is life, but you’re going to have to fight for it because there’s an enemy in your life with a different agenda. There is something set against us. We are at war.”
Yes, engaging in spiritual warfare against Satan, the enemy of our souls, can be scary. But we have this confidence: through Christ’s finished work on the cross, we have already won the victory. God’s power always has been and always will be greater than Satan’s.
The devil knows that his time on earth is limited; the game is up. Eventually, he will be cast into the lake of fire for eternity (Rev. 20:10). So when we bring our praises as well as our needs before the Father in prayer, we know that we have “checkmated” Satan. We can have supreme confidence in the Lord, knowing that we’re on the winning side of the battle.
Take heart, my friend.
domingo, 24 de mayo de 2009
Social Networking: Can You Strike a Balance?
Just read an intriguing post on this topic by Alan Weiss. Many authors/editors/speakers and others in the industry are spending countless hours on Facebook, Twitter, etc. Is this social networking just for fun and for "giving back" to others from what you've learned throughout your career? Or does this type of networking really help to build your platform and increase traffic to your ministry or business? For tips on maximizing your effectiveness, check out Alan's excellent article "What Price Glory?" at contrarianconsulting.com/what-price-glory-orcan-we-get-some-air-in-here
Check out the Tapestry Blog on www.bible.org!
Hello! I've enjoyed reading and posting on bible.org's Tapestry Blog for women. You'll find practical and inspiring articles there to encourage you in your life, marriage, work and ministry. I highly recommend it! To read the blog, see blog.bible.org/tapestry. Enjoy!
sábado, 9 de mayo de 2009
Finding its own way to beauty...
I enjoyed reading an online interview by Jendi Reiter with Robert Stewart, the editor of the literary journal New Letters. Mr. Stewart had some profound thoughts to share about the spirituality of writing and art. My favorite comment of his was this:
"Every piece of writing that succeeds as literary art finds its own way to beauty." To read the full interview, see: newletters.org/wwinterview2007.asp
"Every piece of writing that succeeds as literary art finds its own way to beauty." To read the full interview, see: newletters.org/wwinterview2007.asp
miércoles, 6 de mayo de 2009
Toward the Light
Just wanted to let you know that the Christian literary journal Toward the Light: Journal of Reflective Word and Image is now accepting submissions of poetry and photography for its fall and winter issues. The journal's editors recently selected three of my poems for publication in their Summer 2009 issue. For more info, see towardthelight.net. Blessings!
lunes, 27 de abril de 2009
Now Available for Pre-Order... Your Intercultural Marriage!
I'm pleased to announce that you can now pre-order my new book, Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship, for a great discount on Amazon.com! Click here to order and to read more about the book: amazon.com/Your-Intercultural-Marriage-Healthy-Relationship/dp/0802418546/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240867234&sr=8-2
Moody Publishers is releasing the book, and I'm thrilled to be working with them! It's so exciting to have this, my "heart book," finally come to fruition. Here's a sneak peek at some of the highlights:
-Personal stories, insights, and advice from hundreds of intercultural couples
-Tips for anticipating and working through conflict in a healthy way
-Relevant and vital questions to ask your fiance or spouse on a variety of topics, including food, finances, intimacy, family, child rearing, and more
-A close-up and intriguing look at the intercultural marriages in the Bible
-A list of fun intercultural movies to watch at the end of each chapter
-Practical resources and websites for further information, advice, and research
Now, you can download chapter one of the book for FREE on this website, Leap of Faith! Simply click on the box on the right on my home page. Enjoy!
Moody Publishers is releasing the book, and I'm thrilled to be working with them! It's so exciting to have this, my "heart book," finally come to fruition. Here's a sneak peek at some of the highlights:
-Personal stories, insights, and advice from hundreds of intercultural couples
-Tips for anticipating and working through conflict in a healthy way
-Relevant and vital questions to ask your fiance or spouse on a variety of topics, including food, finances, intimacy, family, child rearing, and more
-A close-up and intriguing look at the intercultural marriages in the Bible
-A list of fun intercultural movies to watch at the end of each chapter
-Practical resources and websites for further information, advice, and research
Now, you can download chapter one of the book for FREE on this website, Leap of Faith! Simply click on the box on the right on my home page. Enjoy!
lunes, 20 de abril de 2009
Instead of Twiddling Your Thumbs...
After you've worked slavishly to complete and submit an article, manuscript, book, or other artistic masterpiece, you often feel so relieved that you just "veg out" for weeks... or even longer. Next time, use these methods to create income, hone your writing and build your platform while waiting for a response. Art Spikol presented these useful pointers in the latest issue of Writer's Digest:
1. Recycle. Revamp your previously published articles and pitch them to another magazine. Think of creative ways to re-package your existing work and sell it elsewhere. Look through your completed articles, short stories, poems, and book ideas, and glean the best possibiities.
2. Write on spec. Send out one article query a day. Go to your local bookstore and look through magazines to get info on the latest trends. Pitch ideas that can be used at any time of year.
3. Make multiple submissions. Get the most mileage out of your work by submitting to several publishers at once. Follow up with each publisher several weeks later.
4. Get intimate with your markets. Study the publishers and publications you want to break into. Take notes on what types of material and articles they are accepting. Tweak your ideas accordingly.
5. Write about research you're doing anyway. Cull through the books, stories, poems and articles you've written. What are you an expert on? Pitch some nonfiction articles on those topics.
6. Don't just sit there. Don't let slothfulness take over. Exercise. Attend writer's groups and conferences. Visit places you rarely go (the E.R., a local bowling alley, a diner, a comic book store) to get fresh ideas. Schedule interviews to get new material for articles.
7. Advertise yourself. Visit Vistaprint's website (vistaprint.com) and create some inexpensive, professional marketing tools for yourself and your ministry or business. Create flyers, postcards, brochures, and other materials and mail them out.
8. Find a collaborator. Join with other creative people (writers, designers, editors, videographers) to create material. Barter your services for theirs.
9. Ask for help. Network and connect with people you've met through interviews, conferences, writing groups, and more. Share your desire to ramp up your writing/speaking and see if they have a need. Discover how you can help them by offering your services to them.
*For more info, see Art Spikol's excellent article "The Freelance Dance" in Writer's Digest, May/June 2009, 14-15.
1. Recycle. Revamp your previously published articles and pitch them to another magazine. Think of creative ways to re-package your existing work and sell it elsewhere. Look through your completed articles, short stories, poems, and book ideas, and glean the best possibiities.
2. Write on spec. Send out one article query a day. Go to your local bookstore and look through magazines to get info on the latest trends. Pitch ideas that can be used at any time of year.
3. Make multiple submissions. Get the most mileage out of your work by submitting to several publishers at once. Follow up with each publisher several weeks later.
4. Get intimate with your markets. Study the publishers and publications you want to break into. Take notes on what types of material and articles they are accepting. Tweak your ideas accordingly.
5. Write about research you're doing anyway. Cull through the books, stories, poems and articles you've written. What are you an expert on? Pitch some nonfiction articles on those topics.
6. Don't just sit there. Don't let slothfulness take over. Exercise. Attend writer's groups and conferences. Visit places you rarely go (the E.R., a local bowling alley, a diner, a comic book store) to get fresh ideas. Schedule interviews to get new material for articles.
7. Advertise yourself. Visit Vistaprint's website (vistaprint.com) and create some inexpensive, professional marketing tools for yourself and your ministry or business. Create flyers, postcards, brochures, and other materials and mail them out.
8. Find a collaborator. Join with other creative people (writers, designers, editors, videographers) to create material. Barter your services for theirs.
9. Ask for help. Network and connect with people you've met through interviews, conferences, writing groups, and more. Share your desire to ramp up your writing/speaking and see if they have a need. Discover how you can help them by offering your services to them.
*For more info, see Art Spikol's excellent article "The Freelance Dance" in Writer's Digest, May/June 2009, 14-15.
domingo, 19 de abril de 2009
Advice from Bestselling Author John Updike
The late great John Updike offered this crucial advice to writers: "Try to develop steady work habits, maybe a more modest quota, but keep to it. Don't be thin-skinned or easily discouraged because it's an odds-long proposition; all of the arts are. Many are called, few are chosen, but it might be you."
-John Updike
-John Updike
viernes, 17 de abril de 2009
Provide Hope and Help by Joining our Mentoring Network
Are you involved in an intercultural marriage? Are you a pastor, counselor, writer, teacher or someone else who is interested in mentoring intercultural couples? Catalin and I are expanding our mentoring network and are looking for men and women who are interested in joining. If you'd like more info, please e-mail me at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com. Thank you!
domingo, 12 de abril de 2009
Sticking Together through the Four Seasons of Marriage
The Four Stages of Marriage
"The development of a good marriage is not a natural process. It is an achievement." -David and Vera Mace
Just as a person journeys through the stages of childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, every marriage passes through seasons of fruitfulness and seasons of dryness. In his book The Four Seasons of Marriage, Gary Chapman writes:
My experience, both in my own marriage and in counseling couples for more than thirty years, suggests that marriages are perpetually in a state of transition, continually moving from one season to another. . . . Sometimes we find ourselves in winter . . . other times we experience springtime, with its openness, hope, and anticipation. On still other occasions we bask in the warmth of summer—comfortable, relaxed, enjoying life. And then comes fall with its uncertainty, negligence, and apprehension. The cycle repeats itself many times throughout the life of a marriage, just as the seasons repeat themselves in nature.
Think about the stage your own relationship may be in as you read the descriptions of each season below.
Spring
Marriages begin in the honeymoon period of spring, with the soaring emotions that accompany the experience of falling head-over-heels in love with a person from another culture. One newlywed describes her marriage this way: “It’s full of joy! It’s exciting to watch our relationship grow and develop. That ‘in love’ high just deepens and becomes richer each day. Every day is an opportunity to find a way to live out my love for my husband.”
Summer
The summer season of marriage manifests a deepening of love, a strengthening of a couple’s connection to each other. The initial honeymoon effects of spring may have waned, but summer marriages reflect a sense of security, commitment, and satisfaction. Julia, married for sixteen years, says: “Summer feels good. We’re on the same page, and that makes our marriage fun. It opens up my heart to communication.”
Fall
Fall is the prelude to winter. Couples in the fall season recognize that the winds of change are blowing and that their relationship is facing trouble. A man who has been married for thirty-one years said, “I feel dejected, disheartened, and unappreciated. It’s not a good place to be. I am not content with my marriage. Something has got to change or we’re not going to make it.”
Winter
The winter season of marriage is characterized by stormy weather: emotions of hurt, anger, disappointment, loneliness, grief, and rejection. Dr. Chapman writes, “What brings a couple to the winter season of marriage? In a word: rigidity—the unwillingness to consider the other person’s perspective and to work toward a meaningful compromise.”
What’s a couple in the winter season to do? These seven strategies, outlined in greater detail in the book The Four Seasons of Marriage, will enable a struggling intercultural couple to move through winter toward spring.
1. Deal with past failures.
2. Choose a winning attitude.
3. Learn to speak your spouse’s love language.
4. Develop the awesome power of empathetic listening.
5. Discover the joy of helping your spouse succeed.
6. Maximize your differences.
7. Implement the power of positive influence.
Every marriage will pass through these seasons, but thankfully, winter doesn’t last forever. Spring is right around the corner! My prayer is that understanding the implications of these intercultural marriage models and patterns will help you improve your communication as a couple. Practicing these principles will empower you and your spouse to create deeper bonds of love and unity as an intercultural couple.
*This material is drawn from Marla Alupoaicei's book Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship (Moody Publishers, June 2009). To order, see amazon.com/Your-Intercultural-Marriage-Healthy-Relationship/dp/0802418546/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1239998973&sr=1-3. Enjoy!
"The development of a good marriage is not a natural process. It is an achievement." -David and Vera Mace
Just as a person journeys through the stages of childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, every marriage passes through seasons of fruitfulness and seasons of dryness. In his book The Four Seasons of Marriage, Gary Chapman writes:
My experience, both in my own marriage and in counseling couples for more than thirty years, suggests that marriages are perpetually in a state of transition, continually moving from one season to another. . . . Sometimes we find ourselves in winter . . . other times we experience springtime, with its openness, hope, and anticipation. On still other occasions we bask in the warmth of summer—comfortable, relaxed, enjoying life. And then comes fall with its uncertainty, negligence, and apprehension. The cycle repeats itself many times throughout the life of a marriage, just as the seasons repeat themselves in nature.
Think about the stage your own relationship may be in as you read the descriptions of each season below.
Spring
Marriages begin in the honeymoon period of spring, with the soaring emotions that accompany the experience of falling head-over-heels in love with a person from another culture. One newlywed describes her marriage this way: “It’s full of joy! It’s exciting to watch our relationship grow and develop. That ‘in love’ high just deepens and becomes richer each day. Every day is an opportunity to find a way to live out my love for my husband.”
Summer
The summer season of marriage manifests a deepening of love, a strengthening of a couple’s connection to each other. The initial honeymoon effects of spring may have waned, but summer marriages reflect a sense of security, commitment, and satisfaction. Julia, married for sixteen years, says: “Summer feels good. We’re on the same page, and that makes our marriage fun. It opens up my heart to communication.”
Fall
Fall is the prelude to winter. Couples in the fall season recognize that the winds of change are blowing and that their relationship is facing trouble. A man who has been married for thirty-one years said, “I feel dejected, disheartened, and unappreciated. It’s not a good place to be. I am not content with my marriage. Something has got to change or we’re not going to make it.”
Winter
The winter season of marriage is characterized by stormy weather: emotions of hurt, anger, disappointment, loneliness, grief, and rejection. Dr. Chapman writes, “What brings a couple to the winter season of marriage? In a word: rigidity—the unwillingness to consider the other person’s perspective and to work toward a meaningful compromise.”
What’s a couple in the winter season to do? These seven strategies, outlined in greater detail in the book The Four Seasons of Marriage, will enable a struggling intercultural couple to move through winter toward spring.
1. Deal with past failures.
2. Choose a winning attitude.
3. Learn to speak your spouse’s love language.
4. Develop the awesome power of empathetic listening.
5. Discover the joy of helping your spouse succeed.
6. Maximize your differences.
7. Implement the power of positive influence.
Every marriage will pass through these seasons, but thankfully, winter doesn’t last forever. Spring is right around the corner! My prayer is that understanding the implications of these intercultural marriage models and patterns will help you improve your communication as a couple. Practicing these principles will empower you and your spouse to create deeper bonds of love and unity as an intercultural couple.
*This material is drawn from Marla Alupoaicei's book Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship (Moody Publishers, June 2009). To order, see amazon.com/Your-Intercultural-Marriage-Healthy-Relationship/dp/0802418546/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1239998973&sr=1-3. Enjoy!
sábado, 11 de abril de 2009
Quote for the Day
Frederick Buechner, one of my favorite Christian authors, wrote this. I found it fitting as we reflect on the sacrifice that Jesus made for us on the cross over two thousand years ago:
"What's lost is nothing to what's found, and all the death that ever was, set next to life, would scarcely fill a cup."
-Frederick Buechner, Godric
Rejoicing in new life,
Marla
"What's lost is nothing to what's found, and all the death that ever was, set next to life, would scarcely fill a cup."
-Frederick Buechner, Godric
Rejoicing in new life,
Marla
The Mom I Want to Be
At the Book Expo, I enjoyed talking with Suzie Eller, the author of the book The Mom I Want to Be (Harvest House). Her life stories, as shared through her book, had a powerful impact on me as my husband and I prepare to welcome our first baby into the world. Suzie was able to turn her abusive past into a blessing and to learn from her parents' mistakes so that she would not repeat them with her own children. A gifted author, speaker and mentor to young people, Suzie writes in a fresh, compelling style that I really enjoy. One of her most powerful points is that we must discover and rest in our own identity in Christ (as daughters of the Most High God) before we will be able to teach our sons and daughters to have a strong, positive self-identity.
Thanks, Suzie, for sharing your insights! To buy Suzie's book, see amazon.com/Mom-Want-Be-Rising-Future/dp/0736917551/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1239459124&sr=8-1. Enjoy!
Thanks, Suzie, for sharing your insights! To buy Suzie's book, see amazon.com/Mom-Want-Be-Rising-Future/dp/0736917551/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1239459124&sr=8-1. Enjoy!
sábado, 28 de marzo de 2009
Enter the 78th Annual Writer's Digest Writing Competition!
All you writers out there - don't miss out on entering the 78th Annual Writer's Digest Writing Competition. It's an excellent way for you to get your work out there, and you just may win a prize and help boost your writing career a bit! For more details and to enter, please visit writersdigest.com/annual. You may enter either online or by smail-mailing your entries to Writer's Digest. The entry deadline is May, 15, 2009 - coming right up! I hope you'll take advantage of this opportunity, and I look forward to hearing about your awards!
Calling All Poets-Submit Your Poems to Leap of Faith!
I'm a poet, and I know that many of you, my readers, are gifted poets, as well. I thought it would be exciting to create a collection of poetry to distribute among Leap of Faith's readers. If you have poems to submit for consideration, please e-mail them to me at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com! If we generate enough interest, we may be able to start our own literary journal and start attending readings together in the Frisco/Plano area and throughout the Metroplex. Let me know if you would like to participate! I look forward to reading your literary masterpieces. Blessings!
Book Expo
The Book Expo went very well! Thank you so much to all of you friends, family members, fellow authors, bloggers and others who attended the Expo and our book signings. We enjoyed chatting with you and we appreciate your support!
The Expo was a fantastic event and extremely well planned, but attendance was not as high as it could have been. Hopefully the attendance will be better in future years.
To read Mary DeMuth's excellent summary of the Expo and also to find out what she spoke about during her Christianity Today author panel on Living Christianly in a Postmodern Culture, please check out her website at relevantblog.blogspot.com.
Mary also includes a link to a VERY helpful discussion of author platform at springswriters.blogspot.com/2009/03/building-your-writers-platform.html. Check it out! If you're a writer who has not yet signed up to receive Mary's excellent newsletter and blog articles, be sure to sign up. Mary is a gifted writer and an encouraging mentor to me. Enjoy!
The Expo was a fantastic event and extremely well planned, but attendance was not as high as it could have been. Hopefully the attendance will be better in future years.
To read Mary DeMuth's excellent summary of the Expo and also to find out what she spoke about during her Christianity Today author panel on Living Christianly in a Postmodern Culture, please check out her website at relevantblog.blogspot.com.
Mary also includes a link to a VERY helpful discussion of author platform at springswriters.blogspot.com/2009/03/building-your-writers-platform.html. Check it out! If you're a writer who has not yet signed up to receive Mary's excellent newsletter and blog articles, be sure to sign up. Mary is a gifted writer and an encouraging mentor to me. Enjoy!
viernes, 20 de febrero de 2009
Attend the Christian Book Expo March 19-22 at the Dallas Convention Center!
Hi! Exciting news: the world's largest Christian conference, the 2009 Christian Book Expo, will be held in Dallas from March 19-22. Dillon Burroughs and I (as well as tons of other Christian authors) will be holding book signings at the Expo. We will be at the Harvest House booth signing our book Generation Hex: Understanding the Subtle Dangers of Wicca.
Generation Hex was nominated for the OUTREACH Magazine Resource of the Year Award in the field of apologetics. We're thrilled to have this honor!
For more information about attending the Book Expo, please see christianbookexpo.com/index.php.
Dates and Times for Generation Hex Book Signings:
Friday March 20 / 11:30 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. (Booth 1110, with Dillon Burroughs)
Saturday March 21 / 5:30 - 7:00 p.m. (Booth 1110, with Dillon Burroughs)
Sunday March 22 / 3:00 - 4:00 p.m. (Booth 1110, with Dillon Burroughs)
For more info on our book signings, see christianbookexpo.com/authors/profile.php?id=2.
Thanks, friends and family members! We look forward to seeing you at the Expo!
Generation Hex was nominated for the OUTREACH Magazine Resource of the Year Award in the field of apologetics. We're thrilled to have this honor!
For more information about attending the Book Expo, please see christianbookexpo.com/index.php.
Dates and Times for Generation Hex Book Signings:
Friday March 20 / 11:30 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. (Booth 1110, with Dillon Burroughs)
Saturday March 21 / 5:30 - 7:00 p.m. (Booth 1110, with Dillon Burroughs)
Sunday March 22 / 3:00 - 4:00 p.m. (Booth 1110, with Dillon Burroughs)
For more info on our book signings, see christianbookexpo.com/authors/profile.php?id=2.
Thanks, friends and family members! We look forward to seeing you at the Expo!
viernes, 13 de febrero de 2009
A Weekend to Remember...
We leave today to attend FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember marriage conference at the Gaylord Texan Resort in Grapevine, Texas. We're thrilled about this opportunity. This will be our first time to attend, and what better time than Valentine's Day Weekend???
I hope all of you have a blessed and romantic Valentine's Day celebrating with your sweetheart! For more information and to register for a Weekend to Remember conference in your area, visit Family Life's website at familylife.com/site/c.dnJHKLNnFoG/b.3204559/k.F5BB/Attend_a_conference.htm. Enjoy!
I hope all of you have a blessed and romantic Valentine's Day celebrating with your sweetheart! For more information and to register for a Weekend to Remember conference in your area, visit Family Life's website at familylife.com/site/c.dnJHKLNnFoG/b.3204559/k.F5BB/Attend_a_conference.htm. Enjoy!
lunes, 9 de febrero de 2009
Great Intercultural Movies to Watch!
Hi! For those of you who have taken that exciting "leap of faith" into intercultural marriage, here is a list of some great movies that will encourage and enlighten you in your relationship. I have included information on almost 40 intercultural movies in my NEW BOOK, which will be released by Moody Publishers in June! The book is called Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship. Please help spread the word!
Here are some movies for you to check out. Some of them have subtle intercultural elements that you may not have considered!
Angela's Ashes
Anna and the King
Awakenings
Bend It like Beckham
Chariots of Fire
Dances with Wolves
The Doctor
Empire of the Sun
The English Patient
Fools Rush In
Freedom Writers
Hotel Rwanda
The Joy Luck Club
The Kite Runner
Life is Beautiful
Lost in Translation
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
New in Town
The New World
Not Without My Daughter
One True Thing
Out of Africa
Remember the Titans
Save the Last Dance
Schindler's List
School Ties
Seven Years in Tibet
Shall We Dance?
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Spanglish
Stand and Deliver
Take the Lead
Witness
If you know of others, please e-mail me at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com and let me know! Thanks!
Here are some movies for you to check out. Some of them have subtle intercultural elements that you may not have considered!
Angela's Ashes
Anna and the King
Awakenings
Bend It like Beckham
Chariots of Fire
Dances with Wolves
The Doctor
Empire of the Sun
The English Patient
Fools Rush In
Freedom Writers
Hotel Rwanda
The Joy Luck Club
The Kite Runner
Life is Beautiful
Lost in Translation
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
New in Town
The New World
Not Without My Daughter
One True Thing
Out of Africa
Remember the Titans
Save the Last Dance
Schindler's List
School Ties
Seven Years in Tibet
Shall We Dance?
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Spanglish
Stand and Deliver
Take the Lead
Witness
If you know of others, please e-mail me at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com and let me know! Thanks!
jueves, 15 de enero de 2009
Factors for Success in Intercultural Marriage
Studies show that the most fulfilled intercultural couples are those who dedicate themselves to loving and serving each other, living a life committed to God, setting and achieving goals, and reaching out to others. In addition to these factors, the intercultural couples that I’ve interviewed have listed a variety of other elements that they consider vital to marital success, including:
a true, personal relationship with Jesus Christ
a strong commitment to the marriage
gaining the ability to communicate well
patience
kindness
a willingness to sacrifice personal preferences for the sake of the other person
sensitivity to each other’s needs
a positive attitude toward each other’s cultures and families
flexibility
adaptability
the sharing of common dreams, goals and interests
a spirit of adventure
a sense of humor
a willingness to learn each other’s languages
the dedication to stay in the marriage and work out problems when times get tough
building each other up through words rather than tearing each other down
Make it a point to sit down now with a pen and paper and think honestly about your fiancé or spouse with regard to the above categories. How does he or she fit (or not fit) with each categories? No person is perfect; all of us have strengths and weaknesses, and it’s important for you to be aware of both.
Does your loved one have a personal relationship with Christ? Is he patient? Does she know any of your language at all? Does he like your culture, or does he tend to criticize it? Is she a positive and uplifting person, or does she have a critical spirit? You will see at least a few areas that will suggest a possible weakness or “red flag.” Write each of these down and find a neutral time to discuss your concerns with your fiancé or spouse. Working through these issues in a positive way will greatly improve your marriage.
IMPORTANT: THIS MATERIAL IS FROM THE BOOK YOUR INTERCULTURAL MARRIAGE: A GUIDE TO A HEALTHY, HAPPY RELATIONSHIP by Marla Alupoaicei (Moody Publishers, June 2009). Please do not disseminate or reproduce this information without permission from the author and publisher.
a true, personal relationship with Jesus Christ
a strong commitment to the marriage
gaining the ability to communicate well
patience
kindness
a willingness to sacrifice personal preferences for the sake of the other person
sensitivity to each other’s needs
a positive attitude toward each other’s cultures and families
flexibility
adaptability
the sharing of common dreams, goals and interests
a spirit of adventure
a sense of humor
a willingness to learn each other’s languages
the dedication to stay in the marriage and work out problems when times get tough
building each other up through words rather than tearing each other down
Make it a point to sit down now with a pen and paper and think honestly about your fiancé or spouse with regard to the above categories. How does he or she fit (or not fit) with each categories? No person is perfect; all of us have strengths and weaknesses, and it’s important for you to be aware of both.
Does your loved one have a personal relationship with Christ? Is he patient? Does she know any of your language at all? Does he like your culture, or does he tend to criticize it? Is she a positive and uplifting person, or does she have a critical spirit? You will see at least a few areas that will suggest a possible weakness or “red flag.” Write each of these down and find a neutral time to discuss your concerns with your fiancé or spouse. Working through these issues in a positive way will greatly improve your marriage.
IMPORTANT: THIS MATERIAL IS FROM THE BOOK YOUR INTERCULTURAL MARRIAGE: A GUIDE TO A HEALTHY, HAPPY RELATIONSHIP by Marla Alupoaicei (Moody Publishers, June 2009). Please do not disseminate or reproduce this information without permission from the author and publisher.
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