Constructive Anger

Can anger actually be constructive? Yes, but it can be destructive, too, especially in a marriage relationship. Usually, our first response to a difficult or hurtful situation is our human response, and we must wait a moment until our godly response kicks in and we are able to take our thoughts and words captive. The best way to do this is to remind ourselves of what God's Word says about anger.

 

Is it okay to be angry? Sure; it's natural. But we must learn to express that anger in a way that is not sinful or harmful to those we love. In the book of Ephesians, the apostle Paul writes:

 

"Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. BE ANGRY, AND YET DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity."

 

Another of my favorite Scriptures on the topic of anger is James 1:19-20: "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."

 

Why should we control our anger? Because God does. He is gracious toward us when we make mistakes, and we should be gracious to others. Numbers 14:18 reminds us, "The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion."

 

Proverbs 22:24 says, "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered," and another verse in Proverbs (29:11) says, "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."

  

 

Author Gary Chapman, who wrote the #1 bestseller The Five Love Languages, recently released a new book titled Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Positive Way. On the Marriage Vine website, he shares these thoughts on anger:


 


     

       This week we have been talking about understanding and processing anger. Anger is always stimulated by an event. We don't sit down and say, "I think I will now experience anger." Anger is a response to some event in life that causes us irritation, frustration, pain, or other displeasure. He comes home late; she fails to record a check; he fails to take out the garbage.

       Thousands of events have the potential for stimulating anger. Once the event has happened, the emotions respond. Trying not to get angry is futile. Anger is your natural response when your sense of right is violated. Trying to control your anger is an absolute necessity. Uncontrolled anger makes things worse. Guided anger can make things better.

       "Honey, I love you very much. Would it be possible for you to call me the next time you are going to be late?" That is constructive action. If you say, "Don't expect me to be here the next time you get home late!" that only makes things worse. "Lord, help me to control my anger" is a good prayer.


 

What are your thoughts? How do you control anger and use it for positive purposes in your life and in your marriage?