Constructive Anger

Can anger actually be constructive? Yes, but it can be destructive, too, especially in a marriage relationship. Usually, our first response to a difficult or hurtful situation is our human response, and we must wait a moment until our godly response kicks in and we are able to take our thoughts and words captive. The best way to do this is to remind ourselves of what God's Word says about anger.

 

Is it okay to be angry? Sure; it's natural. But we must learn to express that anger in a way that is not sinful or harmful to those we love. In the book of Ephesians, the apostle Paul writes:

 

"Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. BE ANGRY, AND YET DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity."

 

Another of my favorite Scriptures on the topic of anger is James 1:19-20: "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."

 

Why should we control our anger? Because God does. He is gracious toward us when we make mistakes, and we should be gracious to others. Numbers 14:18 reminds us, "The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion."

 

Proverbs 22:24 says, "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered," and another verse in Proverbs (29:11) says, "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."

  

 

Author Gary Chapman, who wrote the #1 bestseller The Five Love Languages, recently released a new book titled Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Positive Way. On the Marriage Vine website, he shares these thoughts on anger:


 


     

       This week we have been talking about understanding and processing anger. Anger is always stimulated by an event. We don't sit down and say, "I think I will now experience anger." Anger is a response to some event in life that causes us irritation, frustration, pain, or other displeasure. He comes home late; she fails to record a check; he fails to take out the garbage.

       Thousands of events have the potential for stimulating anger. Once the event has happened, the emotions respond. Trying not to get angry is futile. Anger is your natural response when your sense of right is violated. Trying to control your anger is an absolute necessity. Uncontrolled anger makes things worse. Guided anger can make things better.

       "Honey, I love you very much. Would it be possible for you to call me the next time you are going to be late?" That is constructive action. If you say, "Don't expect me to be here the next time you get home late!" that only makes things worse. "Lord, help me to control my anger" is a good prayer.


 

What are your thoughts? How do you control anger and use it for positive purposes in your life and in your marriage?

Books-A-Million

A few readers have asked me, "Have you chosen the free books yet that you plan to give away in November?" Why, yes, I have!

 

Please keep in mind that you still have a few days left to enter and tell your friends about the drawing for OCTOBER'S FREE BOOKS, which are: 

 

COLD MOUNTAIN by Charles Frazier (paperback with gold seal)
DIVINE SECRETS OF THE YA-YA SISTERHOOD by Rebecca Wells (paperback)
WHY JOHNNY CAN'T BRAND by Bill Schley (hardcover)

For the month of November, I have purchased FOUR exciting new books to feature in the giveaway. Two of them have already been autographed just for my readers by the authors! Keep in mind that even if you have already read some of these books, they make great gifts for friends and family members - and Christmas is coming right up! 

 

November's giveaway books are:

 

BELOVED by Toni Morrison (paperback with gold Nobel Prize seal) 

THE NANNY DIARIES by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus (paperback)


THE ONE-YEAR MINI DEVOTIONAL FOR BUSY WOMEN by Jennifer King (autographed hardcover)


WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT JESUS? by John Ankerberg and Dillon Burroughs (autographed paperback)


For each person you refer to my site to enter the drawing, you will receive ONE (1) free entry to the drawing for the book of your choice. Just POST A COMMENT HERE or e-mail me at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com and let me know which book(s) you are interested in, and I will put your name in the drawing. Thanks and blessings to you!

Our Marriage... Unplugged

Our household consists of my husband, myself, our six cats (!) and four computers.

 

Yes, that's right. Each of us has a laptop and a desktop computer. In the past, my husband has spent much more time on his computer and watching TV than I have. However, on September 24, I launched a bookselling business on Amazon. (My seller ID is marlaa - check it out! :))

I absolutely love selling books, and it allows me the opportunity to make a connection with thousands of people all over the world, but I do spend more time at the computer than I ever have before. In addition to that, I work full time as an author, so I spend the day working on books and any other writing or editing projects that I've accepted. 

 

Funny thing is, I'm such an active person! I love to be outside, enjoying the gorgeous Texas weather. Nothing thrills me more than taking a brisk walk or run through a nearby park with my husband and examining the display of vivid autumn hues on the trees. We also enjoy playing tennis and hiking. So always being "artificially connected" can pose a challenge to our spiritual, emotional and physical well-being.

 

To be honest, sometimes my computer feels like a ball and chain. In the evening, I often find myself typing on my computer and I will look over at my husband and he's doing the same thing, and I think, "This is crazy! What's happened?" We love each other so much, and we want to spend time together. Yet sometimes it seems that each of us is living in our own bubble in this virtual world. Sometimes I get the urge to just scrap all four computers and the TV and say, "Let's get REAL! Let's get UNPLUGGED!" We've been married for only five years, and we don't have children yet, so this time is so precious for us. I don't want us to look back over our lives and realize that we missed out on so much because we were watching movies or surfing the net.

 

All of you couples out there, can you relate? If so, how do you deal with the feeling of always being "plugged in" to the computer and tuned out to each other? Please share some of your some creative ideas about how we can reconnect with our spouses. Blessings!

The Wisdom of Chipotle (!)

Yesterday I read a fantastic quotation on (of all places) my to-go cup from Chipotle. Wes Jackson, a plant geneticist and former professor, said, "If your life's work can be accomplished in your lifetime, you're not thinking big enough."

 

So true! I thought of Jesus and how His ministry of offering salvation, healing and grace to people continues to spread and radically change the world, transforming people's hearts and lives even today, over two thousand years after He lived on earth. It's amazing! It reveals that His ministry was different from the norm, that His love for people and His charisma were so great that He irresistibly drew lost, hurting and sick people to Himself.

 

When we seek to fulfill our calling and accept the mission that God has laid out for us, we will realize that our work, too, should be sustainable and should continue far beyond the span of our lifetime. 

 

What are your thoughts? What is your life's work, and how are you seeking to make it continue for generations to come? Please post a comment here. Thank you!

Frisco Clothe-a-Child

I had the joy of participating in the Frisco Clothe-a-Child Drive yesterday at Kohl's department store. We volunteered to help families shop for new clothes and add up the totals for them. I arrived at the store early (5:45 a.m.), but the parking lot was already brimming with cars! The leaders of the drive said that some families had been waiting in line outside since 1:30 a.m. to be sure they didn't miss out on getting clothes for their children.

 

My new friend Cindy Keys and I partnered together with a sweet single mom and her three children to help them shop for clothes. The drive provided $100 worth of clothes to every child participating. Helping out with this event was particularly meaningful for me because it brought back memories of the lean times my own family experienced after my parents got divorced. At that time, so many kind people helped us, and I felt that this was an opportunity for me to give back.

 

I was amazed to see the THOUSANDS of volunteers who showed up to participate in the event! Kohl's boasted camera crews, live music, face painting, balloons - they really went all out. It was such a joy to see the kids' faces light up as they selected new school clothes for the fall and winter. For some of these kids, it was evident that it had been a long time since they had shopped for new clothes.  

 

I enjoyed shopping with "our family" so much. I'd really enjoy getting together with them on a regular basis. I gave the mom my card; I hope she will call me so that we can get together! Have a blessed Sunday.

Ah... October!

Falling leaves... Cozy sweaters... Football games... Bonfires... Homecoming... My best friend's birthday... Columbus Day... Oktoberfest... I just love October; don't you?

 

True, October in Dallas is not quite the same as it was in Indiana. Temperatures here soared to almost 100 degrees yesterday, so that meant no sweaters and definitely no bonfires to speak of! The Cowboys did win last night in an amazing upset over the Buffalo Bills, so at least we had the football thing going on. Though I have to admit that I'm still a Colts fan... Go Super Bowl champs!

 

Here at Leap of Faith, we're making October FREE BOOK MONTH. Please e-mail me a quick note at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com if you'd like to be in a drawing for one of the following three books: 

 

Cold Mountain
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Why Johnny Can't Brand

 

Next month, I will host a giveaway of at least TWO NEW CHRISTIAN BOOKS. Please sign up and tell a friend! If you want to be entered to win a book, let me know by POSTING A COMMENT HERE or E-MAILING ME AT marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com. Thank you and have a blessed October!

More FREE Books!

Let's spice things up a bit in celebration of Rock-tober! I've decided to offer a total of THREE FREE, BRAND NEW BOOKS to my readers during the month of October. For each person that you refer to my site to enter the contest, you will receive ONE ADDITIONAL ENTRY to the book prize drawing of your choice.

 

This month, I'm offering a selection of books so that everyone reading this should find at least ONE BOOK that they would love to have. Here are the available books:

 

COLD MOUNTAIN by Charles Frazier - This is probably the most extraordinary first novel I've ever read. A #1 national bestseller, it was also a National Book Award winner. It has a gorgeous cover with a gold seal on the front. FUN FACT: The movie Cold Mountain was filmed in Romania, the homeland of my amazing husband, Catalin.   

 

DIVINE SECRETS OF THE YA-YA SISTERHOOD - What a fun book! Hilarious and touching, it will make you laugh and cry - sometimes in the same paragraph! The dialogue is extraordinary. Every writer has much to learn from Rebecca Wells!

 

WHY JOHNNY CAN'T BRAND - One of the best new books on branding available, this is a must-read for any author or businessperson. It's written in a clear and easy-to-understand format and gives you tips to help you select a powerful brand and tagline. I bought a copy for myself and learned so much that I thought I would share the wealth! (For more info on this book, please scroll down to my October 3 post.)

 

HOW TO ENTER: If you would like to be entered in the contest to win any of the above books, please post a comment here or e-mail me at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com with your name, address, and the book you are interested in! The drawing will be held on October 31. Please send your friends and family members my way. Thank you and I look forward to awarding a book to you very soon!

Your Book Party!

I read a great article today on the We CAN Promote Our Books! site from an interview with author Maureen Lang. Here are some tips she shared about hosting book launch parties:

 

It's great to see such enthusiasm for book launch parties - they ARE fun! But I do have a couple of things for you to consider. First, consider your location. If you hold yours at a local bookstore, it could be beneficial for you and the store. They can help with advertising, they'll take care of ordering your books, and their store will be the party location so you won't have to a) clean your house ;-) or b) pay a room rental fee either at a hotel for a hostess room or a local civic center, park district or other public facility.

 

The problem might be finding a book store willing to host your book launch, unless you want it to be a standard book signing - or you provide the food or pay for them to provide refreshments. (They may not let you bring in food from an outside source, even if you offer to bake/cook it yourself. Many places, including hotels, won't let people bring in food for fear of litigation if someone gets sick).

 

If you do choose to host your party privately and you sell your books at a profit, you're subject to paying income tax. States vary as to the rules about this, so check with a local accountant.

 

The general public needs a reason to come. You might consider a gift raffle - perhaps a basket of goodies that relate to your book, along with a free copy of your book. The downside to offering a free copy of your book is that many people will only sign up for the possibility of winning a free book and not BUY one. If you can come up with an appropriately related give-away that doesn't include your book, all the better.

 

Get free advertisement in your local paper by having a local interest story. Contact an Entertainment or Local People-You-Should-Know reporter who can do a story about you, the local resident who has a book coming out. Make sure it's coordinated as close to your party as possible, so people won't forget about it.

 

Depending on the time of day, you might call a nearby restaurant and ask them if they would give a 15% discount on a meal - brunch, lunch, or dinner to anyone who comes to their restaurant that day and brings in one of your fliers or invitations (or books!). If your location is somewhat remote, or if it's in a Mall and there is a popular restaurant willing to do this, it'll give people two reasons to leave their house and come to your party that day.

 

Invite anyone who has a natural interest in your book. This includes library patrons, local writer's groups, book clubs and any group that might have a special connection to the subject of your novel. In my case, my book The Oak Leaves revolves around a family learning their child has a disability, so I invited all of the therapy groups, special ed school staffs, drs., etc.

Keep in mind that the percentage of people who respond to cold-invites (i.e. people who don't already have a connection to you) is very small. You can leave fliers at your local library to invite people, hang a poster (you can have one made for a couple of bucks at Office Max) at your local grocery store, put in a paid advertisement in a local paper, but the percentage of those who respond to this sort of advertising is small. Which means the majority of people who attend will have a connection to you - yep, friends, family, business acquaintances, neighbors, etc. For them, you might consider a personal invitation, either handmade and fancy or at least personalized in some way so they know how important this event is to you.

 

A few days before your book launch, call people to remind them to come. You might ask a friend to do this for you, someone who is excited about your book and the party. Not a lot of people get to come to book launches in their lives - and enthusiasm is contagious, so make the most of that. My friend Julie Dearyan suggested this to me, and I thought it was a GREAT idea!

 

If you decide to host the party yourself in some public place (I rented my local Civic Center), make sure you have enough food and beverages. I kept things simple and held mine on a Sunday afternoon and offered only coffee, tea (hot and iced) and a wide variety of home made cookies. I based how many cookies I made (and my sisters contributed) by how many cookies I WOULD EAT - which was of course way too many. Most people are more polite about cookie eating, at least in public, than I am, so I had lots of leftovers. But no one around here complained. My publisher (Tyndale) is local to me so I brought most of my leftovers there.

 

Most of all, enjoy the process. Enjoy making and distributing the invitations, planning your menu, working with the people who will help you. No matter how many books you sell, if you have fun with your book launch party, it'll be a success.

 

I hope this article was helpful to you! If you have other tips, please post a comment below. Thank you!

FREE Books!

Hello, friends. I am going to start hosting fun book giveaways on my site! Please send your family, friends, colleagues, and writerly pals my way! I would really appreciate it. This month, I am giving away a fantastic NEW bestselling marketing book called WHY JOHNNY CAN'T BRAND. If you want to be in the running to win the book, please post a comment below or e-mail me at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com and say, "Add my name to the drawing!"

 

We've been talking a lot about branding lately, so let's take a short branding quiz. Check out the following three phrases. Can you tell what product/brand they fit?  

     Just do it.
     Ain't nothin' like the real thing.
     _____ can save you 15% or more on your car insurance.  

 

The first tagline is, of course, Nike's. The second is for Coca-Cola Classic (which, by the way, is the WORLD'S most-recognized product). The third is GEICO's tagline. Can't you just picture the funny little British-speaking gecko mouthing off about something? :)

 

There's so much buzz now about branding, but what exactly IS it? How does it tie in with our mission and purpose as Christians? How do we choose a brand and tagline that fit us and our business perfectly and also succintly communicate the core of our calling?

 

In order to help you answer these questions, I am going to make available this amazing book called WHY JOHNNY CAN'T BRAND. It changed my perspective on branding by offering a variety of fantastic business tips on how to combine your NAME with your DOMINANT SELLING IDEA (the dominant focus of your personal ministry/writing career). According to the book, your dominant idea and tagline must be:

 

      1. Superlative

      2. Important

      3. Believable

      4. Memorable

      5. Tangible 

   

The book analyzes each of these points in detail and helps you choose a brand and tagline that fulfills them. Whether you are an author, a businessperson, or a professional in any other field, this book will be invaluable to you! 

 

If you are interested in winning the book, please post a comment here explaining why you should be the one to get the book! You can be straightforward or creative - write a funny post, a limerick, a poem, whatever. I will put all the entries into a bowl and choose one at random to win the book. I will contact the winner! I will accept entries throughout the month of October and will draw the name on Halloween. Thank you! Blessings on your branding success!