Studies show that the most fulfilled intercultural couples are those who dedicate themselves to loving and serving each other, living a life committed to God, setting and achieving goals, and reaching out to others. In addition to these factors, the intercultural couples that I’ve interviewed have listed a variety of other elements that they consider vital to marital success, including:
a true, personal relationship with Jesus Christ
a strong commitment to the marriage
gaining the ability to communicate well
patience
kindness
a willingness to sacrifice personal preferences for the sake of the other person
sensitivity to each other’s needs
a positive attitude toward each other’s cultures and families
flexibility
adaptability
the sharing of common dreams, goals and interests
a spirit of adventure
a sense of humor
a willingness to learn each other’s languages
the dedication to stay in the marriage and work out problems when times get tough
building each other up through words rather than tearing each other down
Make it a point to sit down now with a pen and paper and think honestly about your fiancé or spouse with regard to the above categories. How does he or she fit (or not fit) with each categories? No person is perfect; all of us have strengths and weaknesses, and it’s important for you to be aware of both.
Does your loved one have a personal relationship with Christ? Is he patient? Does she know any of your language at all? Does he like your culture, or does he tend to criticize it? Is she a positive and uplifting person, or does she have a critical spirit? You will see at least a few areas that will suggest a possible weakness or “red flag.” Write each of these down and find a neutral time to discuss your concerns with your fiancé or spouse. Working through these issues in a positive way will greatly improve your marriage.
IMPORTANT: THIS MATERIAL IS FROM THE BOOK YOUR INTERCULTURAL MARRIAGE: A GUIDE TO A HEALTHY, HAPPY RELATIONSHIP by Marla Alupoaicei (Moody Publishers, June 2009). Please do not disseminate or reproduce this information without permission from the author and publisher.
